HOLIDAYS AND CALENDAR

---

We are now ready to begin declaring days of rest and celebration in honor of our fellow Saints. You may suggest a celebration for any reason, any day of the year. Please provide a brief description of the holiday, which saint or idea it honors, the date and any other relevant information.

FEBRUARY 26

Day of Endurance for Saint Caesy

Saint Caesy was celebrated for his tests of endurance, pushing his body to the breaking point in an effort to become one with his aura. Today, test your own endurance by performing physical feats. As your muscles finally give out, in that moment of physical ecstasy, the image of Saint Caesy will appear to you, glowing like the rays of the sun on a June morn.

MARCH 30

Observation of the Sacrament of Holy Kickball

Spring is here, brothers and sisters. On this day of celebration, we shall convene in the park to orchestrate an epic game of holy kickball. Spirits and libations are encouraged.

APRIL 9

(Do) Labor Day

In honor of Saint Justin Gorman and his contributions to furthering the visual presence of our Church, we encourage you to follow his example and produce massive amounts of artistic work. In the year of '08, we will be celebrating by assisting Justin and his project RESULTS UNDER ACTION. Contact the church, or Justin via http://www.resultsunderaction.com for information on when and where to meet!

APRIL 15

The Whiskey Baptismal of Saint Sean

Baptize thy head in Jameson poured neatly. Honor Saint Sean by participating in his favorite pasttime, the consumption of true Irish whiskey.

APRIL 20

Marijuana Appreciation Day

On this day, brothers and sisters, we recognize the positive properties of marijuana. This will be considered a day of rest. Your employer, by law, must recognize your religious holidays and allow you to worship without discrimination. It is recommended that on this day you remain on a comfortable sofa, consume large amounts of unhealthy food, consistently smoke marijuana utilzing a plethora of devices, and watch VHS copies of movies made before the year 1990.

APRIL 27

The Feast of Saint AJ of Chicago

To celebrate the gluttony of Collaborative Saint AJ of Chicago, we have elected to honor him with a day of feast. Please spend this day eating heavily and honoring the spirit of Saint AJ of Chicago.

APRIL 28

Adoration of Saint Loren of Detroit

Pay your respects to Saint Loren of Detroit on this day of days. She is the patron saint of Sporties. As you honor her memory, please indulge in the consumption of a Sporty. See recipe below:

INGREDIENTS:

1 40oz of Pabst Blue Ribbon

1 Can of Sparks Noir (black label)

DIRECTIONS:

Drink half of the 40oz. Pour the Sparks into your 40oz and drink the rest. Repeat when necessary.

JUNE 17

Day of the Mad

In observation of the day on which Saint Emily Alison was driven to Madness, don yellow garb and spend the following twelve hours fasting in silence. At the end of this time, celebrate by ramming the nearest white 1994 Lincon Towncar into telephone poles, stop signs, or concrete walls until the left headlight ceases to function.

AUGUST 16 & NOVEMBER 6

Days of Celebration for Saint Serena of the Desert

Saint Serena is named the Patron Collaborative Saint of Useless Information for her vast knowledge of the un-important. Honoring her on two separate days is essential in celebrating the troves of information which was forever stored in her brain. Pay homage to Saint Serena by taking part in activities known to prevent Alzheimers, her arch enemy, like smoking massive amounts of marijuana, not bearing children, and undermining naysayers by spitting out random inappropriate facts. Party.

OCTOBER 15

Arbitrary Day of Tom Waits Celebration

Honor the Father of Modern Music by listening to his music chronologically and celebrating each unique phase of artistic developement. Start with "Closing Time" in 1973 and go from there.

NOVEMBER 13 - 19

Pilgrimage Week

The six days celebrating Saint Forrest of Tempe's great trek to the holy land of PDX and tasting the richest lifestyle known this side of the Potomac. Spend this time reflecting and surrounding yourself with some of the coolest people you can think of. Try new cuisine, hangouts, projects, whatever. Spend as much time relaxing and not worrying about a damn thing. Libations are optional.